Ups and Downs

It's been a week of ups and downs. First we find a house in Bocas, we're all excited, then it is pulled out from under us. Oh well, it obviously wasn't the one for us.

Then we find another which looks absolutely perfect, over the water, furnished, in our price range - everything. I even sent the deposit! Then we find out that there is an Indian (as in Panamanian) bar across the street that is VERY noisy! So nixed that one!

But I suppose everything happens for a reason. Yesterday, Susan figured out it was going to cost a fortune to take Cedar her dog, and she won't go without her. So it's a good thing we didn't get the house as I would have been stuck with a rent I can't afford.

But it threw me for a loop. And I am having doubts about going on my own. It's getting to be the busy season down there and I don't want to get stuck without anywhere to stay when I finish up my school. But I sure as hell don't want to be here for the winter. If only the weather was like it is now, all year! But it's not and the few days we have of warmth don't make up for the misery of 10 months of gray.

So what to do? All I need is a good internet connection, my laptop and camera. And courage! I feel lacking confidence at the moment. Maybe I just need a few days to regroup and rearrange my thinking.

I could go back to South Africa for the winter and then go to Panama from there in the spring when I would be more likely to get a house I like. Or I could just go.

Damn, I thought I had it all figured out.