I sometimes doubt myself and what I am doing. Wondering if I am strong enough to do this on my own. And I know that Susan is only planning to be down in Panama for a short time, so I am basically on my own. My friends think I am a fearless adventurer, and at heart I am. Hell, I was when I was really young! Absolutely fearless - or maybe just too naive. But regardless, I have to wonder if I still have it, whether I can still go out, traipsing around the world on my own, a single baby boomer woman.
I do know that I enjoy doing things and going places with someone. They give me the impetus to get out and do stuff. I'm afraid that I might get stuck somewhere and not get out and experience the people and cultures if I am on my own.
So I have to figure that out - but as I sit here writing, I realize that this is the impetus I need. I remember how good, successful and adventurous I felt in South Africa, heading out off the beaten track to interview some little African woman and photograph the bead work she was doing. And how much fun it was to visit the game lodges and beaches and hotels, getting stories and photos. Visiting the women's groups as they struggled to survive; spending those 10 days in Zululand, 4-wheeling through sand traps and all the excitement. That is what I am supposed to be doing - and I CAN do it on my own.
It wasn't that long ago that I went following sailboats across the Atlantic, taking ferries and trains and boats and planes! Ending up spending the night in a red light district; visiting castles and all sorts of other amazing places.
So can you guess? I am psyching myself up to go it alone - again!
The days are skimming by, and now I must set some deadlines for myself. When to book my flight, when to sell the car, when to buy the V-Lux 30, when to book language school and very importantly, when to send out pitches to all the publications, blogs and online magazines about this new adventure of mine.