So now that I see that I can move on to what I do have control over. The AA Serenity prayer says it all.
"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; the courage to change the things I can; and the wisdom to know the difference.”
So I am accepting where I am and continue living day at a time.
Ryan said the other day, "Make your own destiny." I thought, hmmm, that coming from my son, maybe I better look more closely. I've thought all along that that is what I am doing, but perhaps not. Maybe I am trying to force the issues, trying to will things to happen and "shoulding" on myself about things that I "should have" done. Or more importantly, what I shouldn't have done! And we all know what/who that includes!
It's not an easy position to be in. No job - so to speak - or one that pays, so no income. And although I am applying all over the place, nothing has hit yet. Which most likely means I am running into the same issues I had before - wrong industry, wrong gender, wrong age!
But what I do have is a roof over my head, my kitties as company, a lot of friends and wonderful family.
I have the whole copywriter course that I bought years ago but which is now all online. So I can pick up that old thread in my life. Although it isn't my favorite kind of writing, it's something I certainly can learn, won't cost me anything (seeing as I already bought the course years ago!) and can quite feasibly earn me a decent income. If I pick my niche in the environmental department - aka "green" industry/business/movement, it will be interesting.
It will take some time, but that is something I have a lot of at the moment!