I didn't sleep well last night. My mind wouldn't stay still and I tossed and turned and finally at about 4 gave up and came downstairs for tea. I will have to take a nap later, I think.
When Michael called yesterday, and just about the first words were - "Can't you go somewhere warm?" I started thinking. Thinking about where and what I want my life to look like. Some people will think if I move somewhere the sun shines most of the time and the ocean is warm, that I will be pulling a "geographical" but I know for a fact that when I am in a place like that, I feel really good. I feel happy and connected to the earth. Even in the summer here - though the water is freezing - I can sometimes go barefoot and feel the energy of the earth rise up through me. The rest of the time, I seem to spend bundled up, heavy shoes and socks that insulate me from the source, and I feel disconnected. The sun barely touches my skin, and even when it does, it feels thing and puny. Ahh for the tropical burn!
Yes, I have everything I need here - materially. But I don't have what I need to feed my soul. Driving around yesterday (that was a treat, you have no idea how much I appreciate being out and about again) I couldn't help but notice the lack of color. A few yellow leaves are still clinging tenaciously to some trees, but generally the landscape is gray and black and, to me, lifeless. I long for color and vibrancy. I think about South Africa. Yes, it definitely has problems, but when you drive down a road, there is color everywhere. The African people - both black and white - are lively and vibrant. The African women wear colors that would make a couturier have a heart attack - they wear whatever is handy - checks, stripes, florals, red and purple and yellow. It doesn't matter. Their voices echo across roads and fences, and their laughter is full blown - no politically correct chuckles here. So many live in abject poverty but they still find time to laugh. Something I find I don't do nearly enough.
In Belize, the colors of the houses alongside the flowers and the people's clothes are so happy! Here in Washington, everything is beige and muted. I feel like a traitor when I wear red and purple! And heaven forbid we had actually kept our bright yellow house! We would have been the parriahs on the block!
With all this time on my hands, and nothing specific to keep my mind busy, it - my mind - is having a field day! I haven't cogitated and contemplated this much - ever! And of course, all my musings and findings aren't confined to my life either! It's very easy for me to dissect other people's lives and come up with stunning solutions! Now, if only they would listen to me. But no, I wouldn't want that sort of responsibility.
Science of Mind teaches "Change your thinking, change your life." I know dwelling on things that are not good will perpetuate those conditions, so I am consciously working on thinking, seeing and believing otherwise. I can see myself in a warm place, a long sandy beach, with nice little waves where I can body surf every day. Where I can walk to the beach, barefoot. Where the roads are lined with color and the sounds of the surf and breeze through the trees and flowers surround me. I see myself at ease and happy and content. I don't see a particular dwelling or car or people. Not yet anyway. But I expect that will come. And I expect my kitties will be with me.
Of course, Hinckley is almost on the keyboard - busy watching my fingers and ready to bat at them at the slightest provocation!