With all the rubbish I have had to deal with the last few years, I keep wondering what the lessons are to be learned. Surely, I didn't 'attract' all of it? I consider myself a positive person, looking on the bright side of things; a survivor, I've been told. Although, I must say, there were times when I really and truly wondered if I would survive! And I wonder, Is that good? Is it bad? Does it mean anything at all?
Here I am, getting close to being in my mid-sixties, still trying to figure things out.
And perhaps - mind you, I'm not sure of this at all - the lesson is not to plan anything. Not to wish for anything. Not to want anything. Just do what is in front of me. As they say in AA, One Day at a Time.
I can do the 'one day at a time' thing, living in the moment, but the not wishing and dreaming goes against the grain. Accepting where I am, as in where I am physically, is doable, especially when the weather cooperates, but accepting what has gone on and the injustices are the hard part. Then I have to avoid the pity party bit, give myself a kick in the ass and keep on keeping on.
I think about my wonderful family and friends - and kitties - and know that without them, I would never have made it this far.
The relationship that dragged on all those years, (we know who I am talking about) has taken its toll on me in a million ways that I won't go into. Suffice it to say, I look at people with a jaundiced eye now, wondering if I can trust my judgement of them. Whereas before, I accepted people at face value; I was far too trusting, always believing in them. Now? Not so much.
Something I will have to work on correcting. I liked me better when I wasn't so judgmental! Perhaps that's just a knee jerk reaction and will wear off with time - and when there are no more dealings with a psychopath.