It's been an interesting week - not in the work arena but in my head. I've been doing a lot of meditating and guided imagery that have brought up some unusual images. My health is so iffy that I felt I needed to take more steps towards getting well, at least finding out what the hell is going on. The doctors say "I don't know" but I think I know where the problem lies. And the imagery helped.
I have a couple of Dr. Weil's CD's - one is medical self hypnosis and the other is the guided imagery. The second imagery session asks you to ask for help with a particular problem so I went for the headaches and the image came up of a medieval block wall. It was blocking anything that flowed and then when he asks you to bring up a healing image, a river appeared that washed away the wall. So that's the blockage in my veins/arteries that I can sense. Then the third session I did my heart which has had some aches and again a blockage - this time a corroded faucet and the healing was a scrubbing out with some sort of brush! Both areas can be affected by giant cells - so for me this is sort of an indication that despite the fact the temporal artery biopsy was negative and they can't confirm anything, this is in fact giant cell arteritis.
This is just my sense of it, of course! All my medical records and labs are at the University of Washington Rheumatology Department for review and then they will assign a doctor to me and I will get to go and perhaps find out what they think it is! Of course, they probably won't believe anything I tell them about the imagery but that doesn't matter - I know.
At least I am feeling better. No fevers for a few days and my energy is coming back. But physically, I am back to where I started at the beginning of the year. I went for a short walk yesterday and my phone rang (work of course) but I found I couldn't walk and talk at the same time. I got totally out of breath. So have to build it back up slowly.
One of the images that came up in my guided imagery session was rather strange. He asked us to call up our own internal health guide and Ga, my granny appeared! She died when I was probably about six or seven and I don't know if she was a healer but it was definitely her. I've asked Zoze if she knew anything about her. All I remember is playing little games with her in her cottage in our garden. She always looked very severe with white hair pulled back in a bun.
The weather plays such a big part in what and how I feel each day and during the winter, I feel like I really need to go away from here. The darkness, the short days, the damp and cold all serve to depress me and my systems. As the weather tries to improve, I feel like I can almost handle it. We have the occasional sunny day and the temperatures are bearable. In fact they are quite balmy at the moment - getting up to 65 during the day. But I have to turn my thinking around to make it ok to be here, not constantly hanker after being somewhere else. I think if I know I can take at least three long vacations - by long I mean at least three weeks at a time - then I can survive. I can go places warm and exciting because this area is not an exciting place and living out as far as we do, is so isolating. I need more socializing in my life, so I have to make the effort to go to town more often and get involved. If I am not always thinking that I am moving away from this area, then maybe I can get involved in something - not sure what yet! but something that inspires me, that makes me feel good and needed and perhaps where I can be of some help to somebody. That's going to take some thought - hmmm