butterflies

So even though I am so excited to be doing what I have dreamed about for so long, there are moments when the butterflies start swarming and I question myself. What's wrong with being here (besides the weather, the cost of living, the isolation etc?)

Why not do what most people do when they get to "our age?" Hunker down, get in a routine, visit the grandkids, knit, sew etc?

Does because it's boring count? I think it does. Of course, I can justify everything I am planning - back to the weather, isolation etc. But the truth is, I love adventure, I love change, I love exploring and I feel deprived when that isn't part of my life.

When this dream started taking shape years ago, I naturally assumed I would be with "someone" who would travel and go adventuring with me. But now the reality is that it is just me. Regardless whether Susan goes too, it will be me on my own in the beginning. So that's where the jitters come in.

Wondering whether I am still up to this, if I am too old, all the self-doubt, but in my heart I know I am the same person I was when I left to go sailing on Vadura all those years ago - acutally it was 43 years ago! And I remember it as if it was yesterday. I sailed off with not a care in the world and fifty bucks in my pocket.

So that same girl, albeit a bit older, a bit wiser, and with different colored hair, is getting ready to do the same thing all over again, but this time with a bit more planning.