From looking like an abuse victim to a minor swelling and small scab in 9 days is pretty miraculous. My eye still itches like crazy and is still a bit weepy, but overall it is pretty good. I get the stitches out on Tuesday and then I hope the worst will be way over! Because I was such a scary sight, I didn't go out at all.So now am going stir crazy and what has happened, with all this time on my hands, is that I realize that it is not the weather so much that gets me about this place, although it does play into the overall scheme of things. It is the location.
It's beautiful, peaceful, comfortable, cute house, wonderful wildlife. But...
It is way too remote for a single person, meaning me. This is a perfect location for a summer home. For people to come for weekends and weeks in the summer or holidays. Or for a couple who need only each other. But year-round living for me is just not cutting it.
I read this little story, which really brought it home to me:
~ Become a Lake ~
An aging master grew tired of his apprentice’s complaints. One morning, he sent him to get some salt. When the apprentice returned, the master told him to mix a handful of salt in a glass of water and then drink it. “How does it taste?” the master asked. “Bitter,” said the apprentice. The master chuckled and then asked the young man to take the same handful of salt and put it in the lake. The two walked in silence to the nearby lake and once the apprentice swirled his handful of salt in the water, the old man said, “Now drink from the lake.” As the water dripped down the young man’s chin, the master asked, “How does it taste?” “Fresh,” remarked the apprentice. “Do you taste the salt?” asked the master. “No,” said the young man. At this the master sat beside this serious young man, and explained softly, “The pain of life is pure salt; no more, no less. The amount of pain in life remains exactly the same. However, the amount of bitterness we taste depends on the container we put the pain in. So when you are in pain, the only thing you can do is to enlarge your sense of things. Stop being a glass. Become a lake.”
I need to become a lake. My life is so small and confining. You might say I am living in a puddle!
My life used to be broad, encompassing the entire world. Now it feels so limited and there are factors influencing this - insufficient funds, etc. But I can't let these get in the way of my sanity. I never meant to be back here this long. I have know for a long time that is isolation is not good for me.
Three months ago, after I decided to go for a loan modification on the condo, I gave myself six months to do it. The time is running out but I really don't have to be here to do that. It's all done by phone or email. So that eliminates that excuse for not leaving.
So I am starting to focus on getting "gone" from here. Making a list of what I need to do to make it happen. The main thing, of course, is to find someone to rent this house. And another of course, is finding a way to fund living elsewhere. Oh, and let's not forget a car. I can hardly drive out of state taking Bill's car with me.
The elsewhere doesn't necessarily mean another country, like I have been dreaming. It could be as simple as California. Much more expensive, but more opportunity than here. I don't know whether my editor job will go with me as she seems to think that she needs to see me, which is totally unnecessary when there is Skype. But obviously, I won't throw in the towel, unless she brings it up. The eBay biz can go with me; in fact will be easier as Ryan won't have to ship the DVDs to me.
Tomorrow, Susan and I are going to Port Angeles to look at the house, and then I am going to hand it over to property management. So that won't be an issue for me. Chris seems to want to stay in the condo, so that will be taken care of.
A car could be a problem - or not. I had to have a new exhaust pipe put on the Leaky Beasty and it is a lot quieter now! Not just less exhaust noise, but less rattles too. I'm not sure about this, but maybe Bill would sell it to me but I would need to have the oil leaks fixed and know that that is all they are - leaks, and not something major. And I could probably work out some sort of payment plan with him. That is just a thought, at the moment. I would need to know it would make the trip to California and beyond.
So lots to think about, decisions to make and things to plan and plot.