Anticipation and Trepidation


I never thought that I would be so anxious and excited about going to see the doctor. I just hope it's not a let down and I come away with no more answers than I have now.

Living where we do, out in the sticks, our specialists are mostly in Seattle so to get there is more of a mission than just a quick drive to town. The Doctor, Jeff Carlin who is a rheumatologist, has his rooms at Virginia Mason Hospital downtown Seattle. So we will leave here about 10 this morning, cross the floating Hood Canal Bridge, then go south about 45 minutes to Bainbridge Island where we will get on one of my favorite modes of transportation - the ferry. That little trip is about 35 minutes and I plan to have a snack of Ivar's Clam Chowder as we make the crossing. I love that stuff! Then apparently the hospital is directly uphill nine blocks.

The hospital is very well known and has an excellent reputation so I am hopeful that this will be the start of a new life, healthwise, for me. I've got all my paperwork filled out - hell, I did that two days ago - and am making a chronological note of my symptoms. It's easy to get confused when the doctor asks questions.

I know too, that I have to keep control of my health. Yes, listen to the medical professionals and evaluated what they say carefully. But I must remember that ultimately my care is in my hands and what I decide to do is up to me. They are here to advise me and give me information. I refuse to become one of these medical pawns who gets moved around and tested and prodded because they don't know what they are doing. Medicine is not an exact science and I believe that it all has to be treated holistically - mind, body, soul. I'm doing the mind and soul work, and the docs must help me with the medicine side.

So many phone calls last night wishing me well. What a good feeling it is having these friends who care so much for me. Patti came over yesterday with a jig saw puzzle! I wonder where I can do that without the kitties helping? They are such a pleasure, these little guys, So sweet and gently. Hinckley is a real lover boy, loves being carried around and stroked and petted, and Harley is becoming more that way but she is definitely more independent. But a source of great stress relief! Just stroking them brings me peace.